I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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