also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
