White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
