Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
where are you?
Hypothermia
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
