its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
