The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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