its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
