and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
