my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
