I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
