he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i think i just lost a toe
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
