found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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