Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
