If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
