i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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