i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
