i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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