At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
