My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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