i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
