doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
