I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
