i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
