Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
