She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
