dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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