if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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