yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
