the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
