You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
