There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
