Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
