So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
