Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
