Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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