why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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