omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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