I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
