you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
