you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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