I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
