We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
