Will you blow on my dice?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
