Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
