I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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