remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
