My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
