be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
