sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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