I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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