I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
