***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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