if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
